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Centre for Student Development and Counselling

Tip Sheet: Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is as much about how well your "self" does as it is about how well your "self" feels. It develops and evolves over time through your experiences in your family, at school, with friendships and in the wider society, and it is enriched through constructive self-appraisal. This appraisal consists of at least these two tasks: (1) evaluating the way you present yourself, using realistic and credible standards or values; and (2) evaluating the level of respect and empathy you bring to your interactions with others.

Living is inevitably an experiment. To experiment means to take risks. Some of these risks will work well. Some won't work as well as you had hoped. Some won't work at all. You can build your self-esteem through being mindful of the risks you take and the choices you make, considering the results and revamping as necessary. Every step you take - even a misstep - can be a source for growth, and every success is a step in the right direction. Improving your self-esteem (how much you like, accept and respect yourself overall as a person) and your self-efficacy (your belief in your ability to initiate and successfully achieve the goals you set for yourself) is a process made of small steps. These small steps will, however, add up over time.

Here are some steps you can take to enhance your self-esteem:

Cultivate good relationships with yourself and others
Acknowledge your accomplishments and appreciate what you do well.
Reach out. Initiate conversations. Smile. Invite someone to study with you or join you for a coffee or lunch. Join a club or an activity group. Volunteer with a campus or community organization.
Share. Talk about your experiences, interests, ideas, passions. Let your enthusiasm show.
Ask questions, be curious and intrigued about other people and their lives and interests.
Learn to be appropriately assertive about your ideas and in your responses to others.
If you find yourself in conflict, try to solve things by calmly explaining your feelings and/or your experience of the conflict in a non-blaming way.
Be positive. Let people know when you enjoy or appreciate their company or something they do.
Ask for support when you feel you need it ... and offer support to others when you feel they might need it.
Listen: Remember the importance of giving full and active attention to others. Step back from giving advice unless it is solicited or you have permission to offer it.

Look after yourself physically

Get regular exercise. Regular aerobic exercise has a positive affect on your mood. Not only will you look better, but as an added benefit you will very likely feel better about yourself.
Get enough sleep and eat balanced and nutritious meals. Well, give it a good try anyway!
Pay attention to your appearance. Dress as well as you can within your means. Let how you dress reflect who you are, and be proud of your individuality.
Pay attention to your personal hygiene and grooming and how you present yourself.

Reward yourself and avoid self-punishment

Give yourself praise for the things you have done well - even "small" things. Your praise will encourage you to do these things again.
Be kind to yourself. Even if things do not go as well as you hope, allow yourself some flexibility.
Accept that any process of change takes time and that change is not linear. You will likely experience some ups and downs as you try to work on building your self-esteem.
Listen to your internal chatter and censor out negative comments. Usually such comments are not particularly valid but are made out of habit. If censoring doesn't work, try postponing negative chatter to a specified time and set a limit on how long you will listen to it. Make it brief!
Make a list of things you really enjoy but don't often get around to doing. Post it and periodically do one of them. This could be a reward for a job well done ... or something you do simply because you deserve to give yourself some pleasure.
In so far as possible, avoid situations and people that leave you feeling badly about yourself. This will give you more time for healthy, positive experiences and relationships.

Do things for pleasure, for fun

Make certain that you regularly do things you enjoy and which bring you satisfaction or wonderment.
Risk trying something different, something you have often wanted to do but never tried - or something you haven‘t done for a while. Try something you might be interested in, even something you might never have thought of yourself as capable of doing.
Check out the clubs and organizations on campus and join one. If it is not right for you, try another.
Develop your sense of humour and playfulness.

Take responsibility

You are responsible for your own sense of well-being, worth and efficacy.

Don't give away this power to others.

If you are stuck deciding just where or how to begin working with these suggestions, identify someone you trust: someone honest, caring and genuinely interested in your well-being. Discuss with that person how to get started. Ask her/him to make suggestions and give you feedback. As well, you are welcome to meet with one of the personal counsellors at the Centre for Student Development and Counselling.

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